pole
after you i promised myself i d never be me relative to someone else
thought i could exist in a vacuum on my own terms
it felt so good to be alone
to not need anyone
i wandered with no true north
not looking for a black to define my white
solitude had a powerful hold
on my heart
inevitably another you came along
two has a tempting balance
so i traded it all in
it was a beautiful way out
i let myself need you
i m not sure you ever knew how hard that was for me
things i had fought so hard for
i surrendered quietly
now in this world of opposing pairs
i m constantly confronted by what i gave up
i long for the days i was my own anchor
my own defining pole
*this journal entry was inspired by a very interesting question about the conflict of relationships and independence submitted by Chuck Eckenroth for my “random stuff about me, musical and beyond” journal series. i felt compelled to answer it in a poem…